how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
