my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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