You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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