Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
