I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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