Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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