dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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