We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
