Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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