Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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