Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
