I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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