ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
