I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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