Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
