New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
