you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
