My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
