Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
