I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
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All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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