Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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