my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
