I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
