that's an acceptable place to lick
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
