Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
