Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
