woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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