sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
