I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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