Just fell off a train. Bad.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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