i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
