it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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