I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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