moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
