i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
