We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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