I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
