Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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