Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
and you fell through a lawn chair
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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