We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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