I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
