You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
