any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
