I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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