We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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