But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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