your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
