I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize