two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
