Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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