last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
