omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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