I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
