I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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