Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
