I'm gonna have a badass scar
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My vagina is officially offended.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
