I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just tell him i said nine months
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
