My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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