Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Will you blow on my dice?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
