whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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