I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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