Plan B is the new Plan A
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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