I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
