Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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