Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
