I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
