You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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