oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
