i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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