You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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