She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
