her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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