well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
