Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How external is "for external use only"?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
