its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
