Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
