why didn't you poke me back
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i think my cat just said my name.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
