i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
