Where are you?
In a non slutty way
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
