No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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