I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
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I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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