you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
