So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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