Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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